Giving Up
by The-Woman-In-White
Summary: Bella sees Edward again after twenty-five years. He didn't come back in New Moon, and Bella was changed. But he is with someone else. What if Bella decides the best thing might be to let go? OneShot.


_**Summary: **__Bella sees Edward again after twenty-five years. He didn't come back in New Moon and Bella was changed. But he is with someone else. What if Bella decides the best thing might be to let go? One-shot._

I stepped out of my car and looked around the parking lot. I saw a red BMW and, involuntarily, it triggered a memory about Rosalie, arriving at Forks High School in a car just like this one.

When the wind blew in my face, I immediately recognized the smell of vampires. My eyes widened and I let out a small gasp. I was a little apprehensive about entering the school. I was alone, and if they were with more, they could easily take me. But if they were at a high school, they'd probably be vegetarian. I hadn't come across those since I saw… Now is not the time for memories, especially painful ones. Maybe there was just a vegetarian-coven that I didn't know about. I tried to convince myself that, but it didn't really work. I really didn't want to run into the Cullens, or the Denali clan, for that matter. That would bring unpleasant memories. Or even worse, the same would happen as five years ago.

I decided to stop worrying too much about this, and to just walk into the school and see what would happen. I wasn't going to get scared off by vampires. They would see me and realize I was a vampire and then I would seize their reaction, before I made any decisions.

As I was about to walk forward, I heard fast footsteps from behind and was attacked from the back. At first I was shocked and controlled the urge to fight the person off, when I realised it was a hug. I had a suspicion as to who it was and I don't mind her so much, but her brother on the other hand.

I turned around and saw Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, looking shocked. And of course Alice, who was still hugging me. I hugged her back. How I missed all of them. When Alice let go of me, I was immediately enwrapped in a huge bear hug from Emmett. This time I didn't need to breath, but it still felt uncomfortable.

"Can't… breath.. Emmett". He let out a booming laugh, and he set me on the ground. When I looked at Jasper and Rosalie, I noticed they both looked a bit guilty. I walked to Jasper and gave him a hug. He was a little apprehensive at first, but then hugged me back. When I let him go he looked me in the eye with apprehension and guilt in his eyes.

"Bella, I'm really sorry for what happened on your birthday. I know it caused you, and my family, a lot of pain." I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Really Jasper, no need to feel guilty. It wasn't your fault. I know now how it is to smell blood when you're not as good as the rest in resisting it. And it was Edwards choice to leave. I don't blame you at all, and neither should you." I could tell this made him feel a little bit better, but he still didn't look completely convinced.

Then I turned to Rosalie, who looked a bit uneasy. She probably didn't know if she should give me a hug or a hand. I just threw my arms around her. I know we weren't really close, but I had really missed her too. She immediately hugged me back, to show me she wanted to make things right.

"Bella," she said after we let go. "I'm sorry for my behaviour. I didn't understand you at first, but I think I do now. I hope we can be friends."

"Of course," I said, while I smiled at her. They all told me to come sit with them at lunch. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, but I'll think about it," I said slowly. Seeing them again after so many years, was such a big shock. I knew I should have been a little more distant, I couldn't just let them into my life again like that. I was too emotionally vulnerable for that. But I didn't want them to think I didn't love them. I sighed and watched them walk away.

When I turned around I saw a silver Volvo at the other end of the parking lot. Edward stepped out and opened the passenger door for the girl in the car. He gave her a hand and helped her out. I considered myself lucky he didn't notice me. That would've been awkward. I couldn't look at them, holding hands. I looked down and remembered when I first saw them together.

_Flashback – 5 years ago_

I was walking around the park, like I did almost every day. I picked up a random flower and sniffed it. It had a lovely smell, not very dominant. I continued my walk and sat down on a bench. I saw an old couple walking hand in hand beside the pond. They looked happy and content.

I wish I could be like them, with someone to grow old, someone who would love me. But I will never grow old, I thought sadly, and I will never find someone to love me. And even if I do, I wouldn't be able to love him back. I would always have _him_ in the back of my mind. I hadn't seen him in twenty years, but I still didn't love him less. Was this how my eternity would be like? Me, all alone, thinking about the good times of my human life?

As I got off the bench and continued my walk, I saw through some leaves two people standing close to each other. I got a little bit closer, so I could see them without the leaves blocking my view. When I saw them, and recognized them, I had to fight the urge to run. The man was Edward, _my_ Edward. And he was standing close to a girl. I almost couldn't bear the pain that went through me at that moment. I didn't know the girl, but from the description from Edward, I knew it had to be one of the Denali girls. I knew it was very rude to do this, to spy on them, but I couldn't look away. But when I saw their faces getting closer, I knew they were about to kiss. I couldn't bear seeing that, so I ran away, at human speed. I never came back to that place again.

_End flashback_

I was pulled out of my memory when I heard the school-bell ring. I quickly got my backpack and hurried to my classroom. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding, when I saw no Edward or his girlfriend – I knew I would cry now if I could – in the classroom. I, however, did saw Jasper sitting alone in the back of the room. I hesitated for a moment and then decided to sit next to him. He smiled at me with a sympathy in his eyes. He probably had felt the pain that I had felt when I had scanned the room a few seconds ago. The pain I was still feeling. He gave me a sympathetic smile and I felt myself getting calmer.

"Thanks," I said. He nodded kindly.

During the lesson, I tried to pay attention to the teacher, but I couldn't. I started wondering what the other Cullens were doing at that moment. What Edward was doing right now. I tortured my mind with coming up with the worst scenarios. Jasper noticed, and he tried to calm me. I let the calm enwrap me and started to just listen to the teacher. No good would come from thinking about the worst things that could happen.

The other lessons until lunch went the about same, but without Jasper to calm me. I had one lesson with Rosalie, but she was assigned to sit at the other side of the room. When it was lunch time, I considered just walking in the lunchroom and to sit down by the Cullens. But that probably wouldn't be a good thing, since Edward thought I hadn't seen him in twenty-five years. Alice would understand, I hoped.

Because of all the emotional things I went through that day, I decided it was best to just go home and think about everything. I faked illness when I went to the nurse. She let me leave and told me to rest.

When I walked towards my car, I heard someone call my name. A voice I would recognize everywhere. I didn't actually want to speak to him and be confronted with the truth, which would definitely hurt. But I turned around anyway to be face to face with Edward. I could tell he was still shocked that I was a vampire, and not a forty-three year old women.

"Bella," he whispered. I couldn't look in his eyes.

"What is it Edward?" I tried to stay distant, but it felt so right to say his name.

"Bella, please look at me," he pleaded. I couldn't deny him this, and looked in his eyes. They held sadness and regret. I assumed he would see a lot of emotions in my eyes. I didn't have the strength to hide them.

"Bella, why..., what? How...?" He wasn't able to form coherent sentences from shock.

"Well Edward, it's a long story." He didn't say anything, so I supposed that he assumed I would tell him. I sighed and launched into the story. "I was changed twenty-five years ago. It happened when I was in the woods and a vampire came across me. He immediately attacked and bit me, but before he could finish, the werewolves attacked him. Did you know there were werewolves, by the way? They killed him very fast, after which they left me burning there for three days. They didn't want anything to do with me, because I was a vampire, but because they knew me and knew I was just a victim, they let me live.

"I made myself a promise to never drink from any human, which was easier said than done. But I did it, I controlled my thirst. And well, now I'm here." I couldn't believe I had just told my whole life story to Edward. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to have done. I could see him progressing everything, and for a few minutes he didn't say anything.

He had growled when I had talked about the vampire, who had attacked me, but I didn't know what to think of it. I always thought I would be very mad, or very sad, when I would see and talk to Edward again, but I guess I had accepted it, I had accepted that I would be alone and that Edward loved someone else. It had hurt when I had first thought that, but I had learned to live with it. To live with the fact that I would never be happy.

It didn't feel right to yell at Edward, or make him feel guilty. I didn't want him to be as miserable as I was. He didn't deserve that, even if he left me. He didn't love me, and he didn't want to lie to me. He thought I didn't deserve to be treated like that, to be with someone who didn't actually love me. After all these years, I could understand that. I still wished he would actually love me, but that wasn't the case, and I should accept that. And try to let go, even if I knew that would be the hardest thing I would ever do. More painful than him leaving me, the transformation or seeing him with the Denali girl. But it would be the right thing to do.

I don't know if Edward noticed the hard decision I just made. The determination I felt, the pain I felt.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, it shouldn't have. I thought that if I would leave you, you would live a long and happy human live. If I knew that this would happen.."

"What then?" I interrupted him angrily. "You would've stayed? Just so I would have stayed a human, even if you didn't love me. What would've been the point in that? Don't tell me you would've stayed, we both know you wouldn't have." I had just promised myself that it wouldn't be good to yell at him, but I couldn't control myself. He looked at bit shocked at my outburst.

"I don't know if I would've stayed. I guess we'll never know. I just don't think you deserve this damned live. You shouldn't have been alone for twenty-five years. And to think it was all my fault, I'm so sorry Bella. I know that this will not make it better, but you will never have to be alone again. You can come with us," he said, desperately.

"No I can't, Edward. I can't be around you and... and the Cullens. It would just hurt too much." I had almost said 'your girlfriend', but that would've just hurt him too much. To have him explain that to me now. And he probably didn't even want me to know. Maybe I should just act ignorant.

I heard him sigh, "I know you saw me with Tanya." So it's Tanya Denali, I could've know. I looked everywhere but in his eyes. I couldn't bear looking at him when he would tell me he had found love in someone else. "Bella, look..." he said softly.

"Not now Edward, just... not now. I'm sorry, but I need to go home." I know I sounded a bit harsh, but I couldn't help it. I just couldn't endure it, I was an emotional wreck right now. He seemed to understand, as he let me leave.

When I got home I started sobbing tearlessly. I knew it had no purpose, but I couldn't help myself. It was the only way to deal with my sadness. I couldn't keep it bottled up, I was already emotionally vulnerable right now. No need to make it worse. After a few minutes I stopped sobbing. I felt a little bit better, but I still felt miserable. I looked in the mirror and noticed my eyes were dark. I decided to go hunting.

I ran to the woods and started hunting. After three deer and a bear I was satisfied. I returned and took a shower. I always felt the need to shower after hunting, because I didn't feel clean. I put on a skinny jeans and a white sweater. I felt the need to escape my own world so I grabbed a book, Pride & Prejudice, and started reading about Elizabeth Bennet.

When I was about halfway in the book, I heard someone walking up towards my front-door. The person knocked and I got up to open the door. I hoped it wasn't Edward. When I opened the door I was saw Alice standing in front of me. She didn't look like her normal bubbly self. She had probably heard the conversation between Edward and me, and felt sorry for me that he was with Tanya.

"Bella, I think we need to talk. I know you don't want to, but believe me, it'll be the best thing to do," she said determined. I sighed and let her in. She looked around my small house. "I'll help you decorate it some time. This just won't do." I looked at her, not realising what was wrong with my house. It wasn't large and it didn't had much furniture, but that was because I travelled around a lot, of course.

"If you think that is necessary..." I said.

"Yes, but that's not why I came here. Let's talk about what happened to us the last twenty-five years." Alice said. I assumed she had heard my history, when she had been eavesdropping on our conversation.

Alice started explaining. "After you left, Edward left us too. He was gone for over six years, and when he came back, he was with Tanya. You can imagine our shock. We all missed you, and none of us would've guessed this would happen. The first year, nobody liked Tanya. Just because she was taking your place. But after the first year we started to treat her nicely. We all thought it wasn't fair to her to dislike her because you were gone." I listened intently to everything she said. I was a bit shocked to hear that Edward had been gone for six years, and then suddenly had turned up with Tanya. "So, Tanya was accepted in our family. Edward was happy about that, but sometimes I caught him looking in the distance, looking sad. I knew he wasn't happy, and I knew it was because you weren't with him." Alice looked at, wanting to make that point clear.

"I don't understand. Why would he be unhappy? He chose to leave me! And he said that he didn't love me." Alice looked surprised.

"He told you that? How could he? And you believed it? You're are both ridiculous." Now I was completely lost. Did she mean that he actually still loved me? I couldn't believe that, because I had spent twenty-five years accepting that he didn't love me. I knew that I couldn't get my hopes up, because I didn't know what to do if they would be shattered, again. "Edward never stopped loving you. He only left you, because he wanted you to have a safe and happy human life. He made himself miserable for that. And he got together with Tanya because she got to him when he was in a vulnerable state. He is too much a gentleman to leave her now, but I think eventually he will. But I'm not trying to say that what he has done was acceptable. It definitely wasn't." I couldn't speak, I was thinking through everything she said. I was incredibly surprised and after a long time I actually felt hope.

I knew that even after everything Edward had caused, I still wanted to be with him. I still loved him as much as ever, and I could forgive him anything. But he was with Tanya, and even if he loved me as Alice told, it wouldn't be fair to Tanya. She didn't do anything wrong. I can't blame her for falling in love with Edward, and she doesn't deserve to be pushed aside. But it is so hard to be selfless right now, to think about Tanya. To set Tanya above my own, and maybe Edwards, happiness.

Alice left while reassuring me everything would be fine, if only I could believe her. I thought about everything that had happened today. So much had changed, so much I had found out. It was unbelievable. I knew I had to speak to Edward, or even Tanya, tomorrow. I didn't know what to say. Would I tell them to be happy together, and that I would leave? But that would make me miserable and Edward too, if what Alice had told me was true. But Tanya would be happy, right? Well, maybe not. She would be with Edward, but he wouldn't love her. That couldn't make her happy. I knew it was unfair to be hoping this, but I couldn't help it. Maybe Alice only _thought_ Edward loves me, she can be wrong. Or, perhaps, Tanya doesn't love Edward. There are so much possibilities. I guess I just had to go to school tomorrow to find out. That was going to be an interesting day.

The rest of the night, which wasn't much, I read my book. I finished it and saw I had an hour to get ready for school. I never really paid attention to what I wore to school, but I found myself thinking about what to wear that day. I showered and got dressed and still had twenty minutes before I needed to leave. I cleaned up the house a bit, and noticed I was actually nervous. While I still had ten minutes, I got in the car. In the car I thought about the things that could happen.

Arriving at school, there weren't many cars in the lot. I saw an empty bench and sat down. I looked at people passing the bench, talking to their friends or thinking about things I didn't know. They must have a live so different of mine.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard someone sit down next to me. I saw the person I expected least to sit next to me.

"Hello Tanya," I said politely. She looked at me a bit nervous.

"Hi, Bella. You must find it surprising that I sit down next to you, but there are some things I think we should talk about." I nodded, showing I understood. "Well, I was informed about your past with the Cullens a few years ago. It never really bothered me, although I was curious. A vampire with a human, that must have been difficult. But I'm going off topic. I know you love Edward," I looked a bit guilty at her. She probably wasn't completely happy with that. "Bella, don't feel guilty." She laughed a bit. So she wasn't mad. "I just want you to know… I think Edward loves you too. Well actually, I know that. I guess I should be sad or mad, but I am not. You two belong together, everyone sees that. You two just need to figure that out yourselves. I told Edward the same and we broke up. We love each other, but as siblings. Please, talk to him. I know it must be hard to trust him, but I think you should try." I was surprised at how kind she was. I hadn't expected that to happen. I looked at Tanya and could understand that the Cullens had felt guilty for not giving her a fair chance.

"Thank you, Tanya. I really appreciate this. I hope you will find love too. You deserve it." She smiled at me.

"Thanks, Bella. I really should get going now, Edward can arrive every second now." She stood up and walked away. I could see myself liking her already.

"Bella," I heard Edward say behind me. I got up and stood in front of him. "Edward," I whispered. I heard the school-bell ring and everyone got to their class. We stayed in the parking-lot, looking at each other. "I guess you know everything now. I will not be surprised if you don't want anything to do with me. But if you do, you must know, I love you, I always have. And I would do anything for you." I had to fight the urge to kiss him.

"Edward, I love you too, I never stopped loving you. I forgave you the moment you left me. I don't know if I can trust you, but I want nothing more than to be with you. I can't see how I'll survive otherwise." He looked like he wanted to kiss me too.

"I will do everything in my power to earn your trust back. I know that that will not happen in one day, but we have eternity." This time I couldn't control myself and I moved forward so I could kiss him. He immediately reacted and his arm went around my waist. Both my hands went in his hair and I felt him pulling me closer. This kiss was so different than ever before. We didn't have any boundaries, I wasn't vulnerable. I felt his tong across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I opened my lips and let out a soft sigh. I knew that sometime in the future, I could trust him again. We would be together forever, making up for the years we were apart.


End file.
